I’m having one of those times in life where I get up earlier but somehow still only manage to catch the last possible train to work. Three mile runs have felt like marathons. Laundry stays on the floor/in the basket/in a pile on top of the washer/folded on top of my dresser for longer that it stays in my drawers. Our meals have been healthy, but uninspired, hence why I haven’t posted a recipe in, oh, I don’t know, forever. Beans and greens. Roasted veggies with MMMM sauce and quinoa. No recipes to speak of. The days of shopping and meal planning seem like a lifetime ago.
I’ve been out of town 4 of the last 5 weekends, and will be gone next weekend as well. So then even though during the week I should be doing laundry or grocery shopping or blogging, I’m catching up with friends and my DVR. Not to mention I have this little event next spring I’m now brainstorming for meaning hours somehow slide by on Pinterest before I realize it…
So how, might you ask, do I deal with such chaos? Is it by commending myself on managing to get three workouts in or bringing my lunch every day? Nope.
Instead I have been having a pity party for myself in every moment that I’m not distracted and/or being social and/or celebrating. I am too busy, too stressed, too tired, too this, too that, too blah blah blah.
I was talking with my parents yesterday about possible graduate school plans and how its a lot of work and seems overwhelming. My mom explained that when you really love what you’re doing, it doesn’t feel like work. She said, “I was in school, working full time, commuting and we had you, but I loved every minute of it because I love my field.” I was in elementary school when my mom went back to school. Previous to that, my dad had gone to law school while working and raising me. I wouldn’t even have to juggle a fraction of that, which suddenly put things in perspective.
All of this is to say that I’m ending the pity party because it’s late and the drinks are gone and my house looks like a disaster. The last guests, Self-Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear are lingering, but I’ll shoo them out with a broom if I have to. I’m pulling the plug on the soundtrack of negative thoughts that have been streaming through my head recently. Party’s over, folks.
Honestly, I’m not 100% sure how I’ll maintain this attitude or how I’ll continue to push myself forward, but I plan to share each step and misstep here so at least I’ll have a record of it all. Because really, I’m guessing (hoping) most of us have had these times where everything feels like a jumble. And even though I’m not unhappy, per se, I just don’t feel like I’m being very effective at anything, which is disempowering. Plus, I really want to enjoy the entire wedding planning process and I can’t do that if I’m being a negative Nancy.
As a jumping off place, I’m starting my day and any other activity with “how can you kick ass today?” How can I kick ass at work today? How can I kick ass at dinner? How can I kick ass in my relationships? How can I kick ass in taking care of myself today? I’
Check back later tonight for a reflection on my daily ass-kicking and a recipe!