I haven’t forgotten about this place. In fact, I spend a great deal of time thinking about it. In the heaps of time I spend commuting, I’m often wondering how I could be creatively brainstorming topics or posts. But more often than not, chemistry class has sucked the energy and creativity out of my brain, so I end up reading blogs or turning my music up to drown out the screech of the train on the tracks and staring out the window.
Being in school requires actively managing the balance of my time. For the last year and a half, I’ve been in a job that has ended at 5. It’s also a job that I was good at and that I loved. Now, I’m in school, where the work is never really done and I’m also not very good at it. My last post, “owning up to failure,” continues to resonate. Chem is getting easier, but it’s not easy (for me) by any means.
Thankfully, though, I don’t actually have any negative feelings about the subject matter. I find chemistry interesting, as difficult as it is. So I just have to spend an inordinate amount of time with it before it clicks. And even then sometimes it’s fuzzy. The class I’m in is fast paced, and I probably would have been better off in an Intro to Chem class first. Ah well, live and learn right?
And, of course, it’s affecting my lifestyle choices. Meals have consistently been roasted vegetables with quinoa or lentils, salads, or out. My intake of chocolate has dramatically increased. I’m sleeping less and desperately trying to avoid caffeine addiction so I’m more tired than usual.
Long post, short: following my dream is turning out not to be quite as much sunshine or as many rainbows as I though it would be.
Which is actually probably a good thing. Alex is continually reminding me that something that’s easy isn’t worth it. Which I counter with, “well eating chocolate is easy and it’s totally worth it, so I don’t think that’s true.”
But all in all, it’s good that it’s a lot of work because it means I know I’m dedicated to it. If I weren’t, I’d have dropped chem after the first WTF moment in lecture. And it helps that I have a chem lab group that didn’t bat an eye when I cried before my lab presentation yesterday. Indeed, one of the girls said to me, “I cry every day about this class. So don’t worry.” I’m glad I’m not the only one.
I don’t have time for creating recipes (and that wasn’t my strong suit to begin with). Taking photos of my food takes away precious minutes from the time I could spend enjoying it while it’s perfectly hot.
But I love food. And I love exercise. And striving for mental, physical, and emotional health. So that’s the direction I’d love to take this blog in. Less awkward photos of my mishmash dish, and more honest reflections on pursuing something way out of my comfort zone and how that fits in to my lifestyle.
What does that mean exactly? Who knows. The occasional recipe, I’m sure. Less frequent but more thoughtful posts. Reflections on what I’m learning in nutrition and how it fits into my own thoughts about food. Posts about running and yoga; not how to do them (there are many better blogs out there for that) by why I do them and why you might want to.
So that’s my new plan. Join me, or don’t – I won’t be offended. But it’s time to make this space one that I’m excited to come to, instead of one I feel obligated to attend to.